3 Reasons your Feedback Didn’t Work
Oct 20th, 2011
It is better to give than to receive. At least when it comes to feedback, it definitely feels better. But what happens after it’s over? Is the receiver motivated to change? If the answer is yes, then your feedback has been effective. If not, read on.
If our buttons have been pushed, we tend to give critical feedback, which we all know is rarely effective. (How do you know if you’ve been critical? Look to see if your receiver reacts defensively and if he resists changing.) When we’re not being critical, we tend to give feedback using our Good Parent (2nd/auxiliary) mental function. This is the first reason most feedback is ineffective – we naturally treat the receiver like a child who needs to be parented (and even worse, because there are many personality types, odds are we’re parenting in a way the receiver doesn’t prefer).
The second reason most feedback doesn’t work is that effective feedback involves first engaging the receiver’s Eternal Child (3rd/tertiary) mental function. This doesn’t mean parenting the receiver’s inner child, but rather just engaging it to hook her interest.
The third reason most feedback is ineffective is our failure to help the receiver take charge of the desired change. How do we get him to take responsibility for changing his own performance? By engaging the receiver’s Good Parent (2nd/auxiliary) mental function; this will help the receiver parent himself. Why does this work? This is the area we naturally use to take care of others, so it’s tapping into a strength with the added twist of turning it on ourselves.
Sound complicated? It’s actually pretty simple once you get the hang of it. You’ll be surprised at how effective you can suddenly be with any personality type. On October 28 and November 4, TR President Bob McAlpine will explain how this process can be applied to all personality types in The Feedback Loop. (Don’t worry if you can’t make the live sessions – all registrants will receive links to the recordings.)
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