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Good Parent and Eternal Child Interactions

Jan 8th, 2013

Following what I’ve understood John Beebe to say, we engage others through our auxiliary or good parent process.  I’ve expanded it to wonder if we engage through either our good parent (auxiliary) or eternal child (tertiary) process depending on whether we are providing guidance or seeking guidance. 


What happens when a good parent and eternal child match occurs?  This would be the case for an ISTJ and an ENFP.  Reviewing the descriptions that John and I have used to describe the archetypal energies highlighted a potential for dissonance that I had not previously recognized.  The eternal child is trying to control the good parent.  My self-examination revealed that I only want guidance a certain way and when I do not receive it in that manner, my instinct is to use one of my parent functions to change how I’m receiving the guidance.  If I’m lucky, I use my good parent; but if not, it’s the critical parent that gets used. 

When I use my good parent, the person I’m seeking guidance from recognizes how to provide the guidance in a way that has meaning to me.  When I use my critical parent, the person I’m seeking guidance continues to repeat the guidance with mounting frustration or gives up.  Now that I’ve made this discovery, I can try to manage myself better so as to be more successful in learning from others.  How do you manage to successfully redirect how you are receiving guidance so that it works for you?  We would like to hear from you.  >>Share your comments here>>>

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The Good Parent:

Protects – Defends against danger or attack

Fosters – Seeks to grow and develop others

Mentors – Advises others regarding how to proceed

Warns – Notifies beforehand of danger or risk

Permits – Gives permission and makes possible

Directs – Goes straight to the point not allowing for misinterpretation

Guides – Leads protectively

Mentors – Gives advice regarding how to proceed

Coaches – Trains or tutors

The Eternal Child

Is overbearing – attempting to control in annoying ways

Needs confirmation – Needs actions validated

Idealistic – Living without practicality

Is naïve – not having been exposed

Is inspiring – causing people to want to do or create something

Is innocently seductive – alluring or tempting unintentionally

Seeks wise mentoring – wants guidance and coaching

Is unconsciously dependent – unaware of needing assistance

The Critical Parent

Shames – creates a feeling of having done wrong

Deadens – deprives of emotional vitality

Condemns – declares morally wrong, or expresses public disapproval

Subverts – to lower in character, dignity, or quality

Needles – Causes emotional pain or distress

Acts with paranoia – act irrationally out of anxiety or fear


We would like to hear from you.  >>Share your comments here>>>


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